Home At Last

I haven't been very good at updating lately but for a while there wasn't much to say. My days in the hospital were roughly the same monotonous routine of being monitored morning and evening, nurses, techs, doctors, housekeeping and dietary coming in and out all day while I played online, read, watched tv or talked on the phone. I was to be checked at 32 weeks to see how the baby and my cervix was doing and to possibly be sent home. Chris and I disagreed on me going home, him wanting to be more conservative and have me stay 2 more weeks and me so ready to go home it wasn't even funny. Last Friday I had a long ultra sound and the baby looked great even though his abdomen was still measuring small and my cervix had actually gained a little bit of length. 

Chris got to the hospital just as the ultra sound ended but in time to talk to the doctor about what the plan would be. The doctor pretty much laid it out that my insurance was not going to cover my hospital stay any longer since there were no indicators that I needed to be there. He also told us that even if I went home and had a problem, they probably wouldn't try too hard to keep me from having the baby since I was at a safer point. Knowing we'd have to pay a large insurance bill if I stayed and that I wouldn't be readmitted for another round of bed rest at the hospital, Chris finally gave in! My mom was flying in the next day so we decided to just wait and have me come home Saturday evening after Chris and Lila picked her up. Saturday night was the best in a long time! My mom, Chris and Lila got there and got me all packed up (no small feat) and after 52 days, I got to go home!!!

It has been fabulous to sleep in my own bed, see Lila and Chris every morning and evening, have my mom baby me, and eat real food! Lila still goes to Tara's during the week while my mom asks where I want things and has been getting my house organized and ready for baby boy (we really need to pick a name...) My mom has been working non stop and I'm a little worried she's not going to want to visit me ever again since I seem to put her to work every time she comes! I have loved watching how Lila and Chris have grown even closer than they used to be while I was away. She's a lucky girl to have such an attentive and fun dad. Her little world is going to be rocked pretty soon when the baby comes but it will be good for her! It has been crazy to see how she has grown up in just the 2 months I missed. She plays with her babies and fake kitchen food more correctly now (read not just slamming them around the house.) She is saying a lot more words now too!

I had my first check up yesterday since being home. I was a little nervous and kept chanting, "no bad news, no bad news" over and over again in my head. Luckily it all went great. I am over 33 weeks now and feel so blessed to have made it to this point. I feel good and confident that I'll have this baby pretty close to full term. My next count down is to the 36 week mark when I can finally get the cerclage out and officially be off bed rest!! That will be a great day. I'm a little worried I will have no energy or strength to do much that's productive since I have been laying for so long but hopefully it will come back quickly.  

So, things are good and we are happy! Any perfect baby boy names??? We have a couple ideas but can't agree on anything!

Still Here and Kicking

In 2 days I will be 30 weeks pregnant! I can't wait to get out of the 20's...it just sounds better! I have just over another 2 weeks in the hospital for sure, then they check me and if I look like I'm still holding steady, they will send me home. Chris wants me here longer, but I really don't think the doctors are going to go for it this time. I haven't gotten any worse and they aren't doing anything for me except giving me progesterone suppositories and bed rest. I can do that at home for a few more weeks until we are out of any danger zone. I don't think he trusts me to be good and stay in bed at home!

I did have an ultra sound today just to check baby's growth. He looks healthy and good, but is measuring small. Lila was the same way. She measured small but healthy the whole pregnancy and even though I had her full term at 39 weeks, she was only 5lb 15oz. This makes me happy for my labor, but I wish he was bigger in case he comes early. His head was measuring pretty good though and he is head down.

The bump, almost 30 weeks.

I'm pretty ready to be out of the hospital at this point. I've been here for 5 weeks and am a little tired of the routine. While every single nurse and tech I've had has been amazing, I'm kind of excited not to have them walk in anytime they want when I get home. I won't miss the food either! I have read lots of good books though, which has been really fun for me. Mostly, I can't wait to see Chris and Lila more. It feels so weird to see them only about an hour most evenings.

It was an eventful day last Thursday when Chris called me in the morning to let me know my car had been stolen from our driveway! I thought he had to be joking, but unfortunately, he wasn't. After this whole pregnancy thing and Lila's tooth disaster, at this point we just have to laugh at our bad luck. Whoever took the car broke into Chris's car first and stole his ipad and ipod and found a key to my car that Chris had stashed in there since he goes back and forth between cars. I'm sure once they realized the key went to my car, they ditched his and took mine. We've been racking our brains to think what was in there. Luckily, Lila's car seat was in Chris's car and her stroller was at Tara's. My ipod was in there, 2 of Chris's golf clubs, a few books and toys Lila had just gotten for her birthday, my scriptures, and about three baby outfits from Gap I had bought before being hospitalized. All of that is replaceable but frustrating to lose. Chris called the police and I got to work tracking down serial numbers on our electronics to give to them.

The scary thing was that there was a house key on the key ring they took, so if they wanted to, they could have come into the house as well. That freaks me out! Chris had the locks changed that day. I keep hoping some teens decided to take the car on a joy ride and that it will turn up abandoned somewhere, but so far no luck. We moved into a nicer neighborhood thinking this wouldn't happen but the cop told Chris that a lot of car thefts in neighborhoods like ours are middle class teens that just don't have consciences. The insurance will pay for a rental for 2 weeks and if the car doesn't turn up in that 2 weeks, they write a check. We still have to pay a deductible and who knows what the insurance will decide is a fair amount to compensate for the car. It's very frustrating that we have to pay out of pocket for someone else's bad decision but we are learning we have no control lately, so what's the use in being too upset about it. The important thing is that we are all healthy and safe, my cervix is cooperating, Lila is doing really well even though things aren't perfect, and we have a lot of family and friends that have been very generous and supportive!

Here are some pictures of Lila that Tara has texted me over the past while:

At Tara's boys' football games playing with baby stuff

Enjoying her food!

She let Tara french braid her hair! Shocking!

Picking flowers on a walk

Running...always running

Cute pony 

And for my mom, who I keep telling how long Lila's hair is getting

28 week update

I'm hoping today is the last celebration taking place in the hospital room during this crazy pregnancy! I am officially out of my 20's and am saying hello to 30.

The best birthday present was having really good results from my ultra sound and speculum exam yesterday. It looks like my cervix is still shut, cerclage is holding tight, and my cervix even grew by 2 whole mm! lol! I'm very surprised it wasn't any shorter and so happy. The baby looks great as well and is putting some fat on his little cheeks. He's also head down now. It was really fun to see him in 4D, where I could really get a good look at his features. I convinced the sonographer to take her time since it was my only outing in 3 weeks! :)

 The only downside to getting such good news on my results was the influx of different opinions again. My ob's had already decided I should stay until at least 32 weeks no matter the results, just to be safe since they know we live about 35 mins away with no traffic and have a very active 2 year old. Chris and my parents also feel strongly about me staying longer to just give the baby the best chance of making it closer to his due date. The perinatologist came to see me after my speculum exam and started talking about how there was really no reason to keep me here since I am holding steady. He said that medically, there is really nothing they are doing for me and may as well do it at home. He mentioned that hospitals have bacteria too that can put me at risk for infection and that really even though people assume staying at the hospital means safety, the same preterm labor could start here just as easily as at home. He didn't seem to think distance was an issue.  He asked what I thought and it was really hard for me. A lot of what he said made sense and believe me, I really want to go home. On the other hand, my family and doctors and one of the perinatologists I had seen earlier all thought I should stay. I felt like, who am I to make this decision? When he heard all the different opinions that had been given to me, he backed off and said he didn't want me to feel guilty if something did happen at home, even though it could happen here too and that it wasn't fair for me to decide. He will leave it up to my doctors. He did mention that if my insurance calls to find out if it is really necessary for me to be here so long, he doesn't have a lot of medical evidence to support my case, but he would try.

So, for now I am here for another month and I believe if I still hold steady at that point they will definitely send me home. If I look worse, I'm here for longer. This will definitely go down as the strangest birthday ever but that seems to be my new norm!

On a different note, Chris took Lila to her 2 year check up yesterday. As I predicted and warned him, she screamed and thrashed pretty good basically from start to finish. He said it took 3 or 4 times to measure her height. My baby is not such a baby anymore. She is in the 98th percentile for height and the 88th percentile for weight. The doctor thinks she will be around 5'9" to 5'11" when she is older. It is so weird to think that most likely, my children will all tower over me! With my husband being 6'4", I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

16 Days and Counting

Still here, still not much to report. I've been in the hospital now for over two weeks and it's starting to get a little old, but not terrible. Some days are slower than others but I still get phone calls and visitors and that helps a ton! I'm getting pretty tired of the food, but Chris and a couple friends have brought in food from the "outside" to help with that. :) I did discover one little gem the hospital has, but of course it's a dessert! It's an apple dumpling that is basically like a delicious apple pie that looks like a little present. I've only ordered it twice because I'm trying not to get huge, but it's so tempting!!!

Whichever doctor in my practice is on call comes to see me every morning. They basically just ask how I feel (which is always fine) and feel my stomach and my legs (which are always fine), I think to make it feel like they are doing something productive. It is interesting to get sooo many different opinions. Between all of them and the two different Perinatologists that have come to see me, I have been told: if my cervix is still shut tight I might as well go home at 28 weeks on bed rest, wait till 32 weeks and go home on bed rest, 34 weeks and go home on bed rest, stay here until I have the baby, that I should only have an ultra sound and not the spectrum exam (vaginal exam that opens it a little so dr's get a good look at cervix opening) because they don't want to mess with anything down there and start something, and that I should have a spectrum exam and not an ultra sound because it will tell more about my cervix. I pretty much just listen to all the opinions, ask a few questions and have just decided to wait until next week and see what the perinatologist on call and my doctor on call want to do with the exam, then depending on what they see, go from there. If the cervix has started opening even with the stitch in, then there are no debates, I will be here for the long haul.

And so, I wait. I get my temp and blood pressure checked every 4 hours (even though I've never had high or low blood pressure in my life) and I get monitored for contractions every morning and every night. I usually have about 2 to 3 a day, which I'm told is normal and not a problem. I watch netflix on my laptop, lots of TLC and HGTV and some crime shows that freak me out but are addicting. I have a few new books from friends that are good too. Chris and Lila come most every night and I try to get all my squeezes and kisses in. She thinks it's fun to make my bed go up and down, turn on the baby monitor machine, and throw her toys she keeps here in the laundry bin.
     
An unflattering picture of Lila and I watching Toy Story 3. She loves snuggling under my blankets!
               

Oh, an update on Lila's poor tooth situation...Turns out she did shove her tooth completely up into her gums. OUCH! The pediatric dentist said she had to have hit it hard and at just the right angle to do that. The good news is that the tooth should come back down on its own in about 2 months. It bleeds a little when she bites something on it or bumps her mouth, but it's not too bad. He said she will be uncomfortable, like she is teething again. He prescribed some numbing medication but Chris said it's hard to get it on her gum in the right spot because of all her squirming. Shocking. The dentist told him that 90% of the time, the tooth is fine and doesn't die or anything. He also said the permanent tooth could have been chipped when the baby tooth was jammed back in, but we'd have to wait and see. That is easily fixed though. I am just so grateful that so far it looks like there will be no sedation, needles, crowns and all the other things we were dreading!

I keep feeling like even though bad things are happening with out family right now, we have had the best situations possible in those scenarios and feel really blessed. We've received a lot of help and encouragement and it means a lot to us!

Lila's 2!

                                                  Happy Birthday Lila! My baby is 2!

It's kind of ironic that two years ago today, I was in this same hospital having Lila. Now I'm trying to keep her brother in! :) 

For 2 years Chris and I have been lucky enough to raise this little girl. I feel like we are still trying to figure her out! Just when we think we know her and what to expect, she does something totally unexpected. For example, she is apparently doing fantastic at my friend's house and is totally happy. I get pictures texted to me of Lila having a blast! She even texted me to let me know they had done 3 hours of shopping and she was the best shopping buddy ever. That is something I didn't think I'd ever hear! She is always the absolute hardest to shop with. I guess I have some things to learn from Tara! I thought she would have a really hard time being at someone's house everyday, but surprise, she's fine!

Lila loves being outside doing just about anything. She loves to swim and I wish I wasn't on bed rest because I think I could have had Lila swimming by the end of this summer had I been allowed to be in water after my cerclage. She has no fear of water, blows bubbles, kicks her legs and dunks her head. She just needed some instruction. She loves water even if she can't be in it. She dumps it, dips toys in it and anything else. My parents got her an outdoor water table for her birthday that has fun things hooked on that spin, etc when you pour water in it. I'm sure she'll love it!

She also likes to go on walks to feed the ducks down the street. Chris told me there was a duck that tried to nip at her the other day and she shook her little finger at it saying, "no no no no no no" over and over in a very animated way. Wish I could have seen that! You have to be fast though, because she is speedy and has no problem just taking off. 

Lila is still not much of a talker, although Chris said he thinks she is trying to say more since being at Tara's. She babysits a set of twins some of the time and her own kids are home for several of the hours Lila is there, so she is definitely being exposed to more conversation. It should help! At her party today, she opened a big Buzz with all the works and she said, "Bu, Bu!" So at least she is trying to say Buzz. 

While she's not a big talker, she sure is a big eater. Although she doesn't like a lot of the typical "kid foods." She prefers steak, shrimp, grilled chicken and pistachios but refuses to eat much pasta, cheese, bread, crackers or potatoes. Go figure.  Like most kids though, she doesn't turn down much that's sweet! She does know the word "more" and uses it often! :) When we took out her cake today, she stuck her thumb in the icing, sucked it off and announced, "Yum!" to everyone. 

Lila had a Toy Story party today which kind of cracks me up because I just saw pictures and talked to family about my niece, Chloe's birthday last week in which everything princess, pink and girly was seen. I'm sure that will be Lila soon, but for now she loves Woody and Buzz! I ordered her a Toy Story  cake from the grocery store and my mother in law picked up a ton of fun things that were all Toy Story. We had balloons, gift bags, pin the tail on Bullseye and more. She got a ton of fun gifts and I must say I'm a little jealous that I won't reap the benefits of her being enamored with all her new things for a while. It should keep her busy for a long time! Chris and I (after much debating) got her a Little Tikes slide for inside the house. I didn't want my house to turn into a jungle gym, but with me being here and a new baby coming in the near future, we decided she needs something to burn energy inside. She loves it! She got all kinds of new books, some cute clothes, tons of Toy Story figures and toys, a real but miniature shopping cart, a water table, a baby doll high chair and cradle, a plastic seesaw (also for inside), a toy with pegs that you hammer (but thankfully don't come all the way out), a couple movies and some other fun things! This girl got spoiled and it's killing me I can't see her play with all of it!!!

Lila did manage to make 2 exciting by knocking her front tooth out yesterday! I still can't believe she did that. She fell while running on the tile and hit her face. We had a dentist friend just take a look at her since it was a Saturday night and it's hard to tell if it broke off all the way at the top or if the tooth got shoved up into her gums. That just sounds painful! It's so hard knowing I can't do a thing to help her at the dentist. She will have to be sedated and we still don't know what will have to be done. I can't imagine that she just won't have a tooth until her adult tooth grows in but I don't know that I want her to go through a crown either. Chris is taking her in tomorrow so we should know more. She did wake up at 4am yesterday, so I'm guessing it's bothering her. She wouldn't nap today either and she was very crabby for her party. We sang, "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to" on more than one occasion. I'm sure the entire floor of the hospital was pretty glad when Lila and her cousins left! 

I have a feeling we have many more exciting years ahead of us with this fireball! I look forward to seeing all of it. Happy Birthday Lila!

10 Years and 26 Weeks

Now that I have a lot of time on my hands, I do a lot of counting. Mostly a count down to when this kid can safely arrive, but also just how many days and weeks I am pregnant since every day is so important now. I turned 26 weeks pregnant today. I have two weeks until I am checked again to see how everything is holding. Luckily, every shift change I still get to answer no to most all the questions the nurses and doctors ask me about contractions, cramps, pain, discharge, bleeding...all that good stuff. No news is good news on that front.

I had a lot of visitors yesterday, which made it a real upbeat and quick day for me. My brother in law brought me two red box movies. Two friends came and brought me an entire pastry wheel from Panera and two large bags of M&M's, then refused to help me make a dent in any of it! Do they realize I can't work any of that off?!!! Luckily, the young women from church all came to visit last night and were more than willing to help me eat it. :) Don't worry, I got plenty for myself! The girls also brought me flowers, a card, tons of movies, and one mom of a girl sent her daughter with a gift of two cute swim suits for our little guy. They are adorable! It was so fun to chat with the young women and feel their concern for me. It was also nice focusing on what's going on with everyone else too. I'm a lucky girl!

The big number for the day though, is that it is Chris and my 10 year wedding anniversary! A decade of happiness! We definitely didn't plan on spending it together in a hospital, but at least we'll never forget it. This is the first of a few big events that will happen while I am here and I had a good cry about that the first day, but now I'm okay with it. We are in love, growing our family and are able to be together for at least part of it. That's what makes me happy! Chris arranged for Lila to stay longer at Tara's (I'm gonna owe her big time by the time this is over) and he picked up a Flemmings steak to share and their amazing au gratin jalapeno potatoes for each of us. It was such a romantic evening of me eating cross-legged in the hospital bed and Chris next to me in the vinyl rocking chair. I'm now wishing I had asked a nurse to take a picture of it. :) Seriously though, it was great to just be together and talk without interruption.  I feel so very lucky to be married to Chris and our current situation has just continued to remind me of that.

So, in thinking of numbers and time today here are a few dates I am keeping in mind. Around September 6th I should get my ultra sound to find out what the doctors think about me staying here or going home. Chris and I still think it may be better for me to stay longer than that, but who knows how much say we will have anyway.  October 4th is when I turn 32 weeks and is when I will allow the biggest sigh of relief. It is still scary and early, but after talking to the neonatal doctor and reading the information they gave us, this is the week where the scariest stuff seems to be past us and the percentages drastically go in the baby's favor. October 18th is when I turn 34 weeks, and I'm not sure they would keep me much longer than that if I'm not actively having contractions. I'd love to be home for Halloween, but we'll see. Let the countdowns continue!

Days 5 & 6

Shockingly, not too much exciting is going on here! :) That's a good thing though because it means everything is holding steady. I get monitored for contractions and the baby's heartbeat for an hour in the morning and an hour at night. So far the baby's heartbeat has been great and the monitors have only picked up a couple small contractions here and there. Not anything to be worried about apparently.

Yesterday my doctor let me know that after talking to the perinatologist, they had agreed I should stay here until at least 28 weeks for sure and then they would re-evaluate. It was a mix of being relieved I would be observed until reaching that first big milestone and being bummed about knowing I'd be here for at least another 2 1/2 weeks. Today, the perinatologist came to check on me and just explained a little more on why they wanted to keep me here. Now I'm kind of scared to leave at all! He just emphasized how short my cervix really is which means the cerclage and the opening to the cervix has basically nothing to support it and with the pressure of the water sack on top of it, it could tear or the membranes or water sack could start bulging through the stitched opening. When it does start bulging then it becomes a week point and will eventually burst. That could put me into labor either right away or shortly after. Like I said, now I am pretty content with staying here until the baby is at least close to full term!

I asked about another ultra sound and he said they wouldn't do one until close to 28 weeks because they can get the best look at the cervix with a vaginal ultra sound and they really don't want to do those often since everything is so fragile. Plus, he pointed out that even if my cervix has shortened more, there is nothing new they would be doing for me so it really didn't matter. Since the baby looked just fine in the first ultra sound, there was no reason to check on him right away either. Makes sense to me.

So, I am just being a blob on a bed and letting my boy get bigger and stronger each day. My friends and family are continuing to offer help, bring me things to keep me comfortable and busy, and visiting me. It has been really nice. Today, one of the nurses came in with a big bag with a bow on it. Apparently there was a woman that stayed here about a year ago with a high risk pregnancy for about 3 months. When she had the baby and went home, she kept thinking about her time at the hospital and decided she needed to do something for the moms staying here. She started an organization called High Risk Hope that would deliver bags of comforts to the moms that have to be admitted for an extended time while pregnant. Inside was a nice blanket, socks, lotions, shower gel, chapstick, nice toilet paper, thank you cards, notebooks, pens, toothpaste, a nail care set, napkins, plastic silverware, and a few other nice things. I was pretty blown away by this woman's actions to help make our stays more bearable. She really thought of everything! The nurses and staff have also been amazing here. They have been kind and willing to do anything to help. They even changed my room tonight because my last room was right by the elevator and nurses desk and they thought I should be somewhere more quiet.

Chris and Lila have still been coming everyday. I feel so bad for Chris. He looked a little tired! It would be very hard to work full time and be a single parent overnight. He is doing amazing though and has been my hero. Not only is he working and taking care of Lila and the house, but he is also staying on top of all the insurance stuff that I'm no good at. Today he fixed a problem with my employment (I'm still on leave but they had tried to terminate my employment on accident) and I had been trying to work it out for a week. Pretty important since we need that insurance! Today was the first night Lila really held on to me when Chris tried to leave. I think she finally figured out that I'm not at home anymore and have to stay here. She kept gripping my neck and hugging me. I admit I was trying really hard not to lose it. I'm hoping it will get easier. I know she is having fun at her sitter's though. Tara sent me pictures of Lila at Pump it Up where she was having a blast jumping and sliding on everything. It makes me feel good to see her doing well!

I'm hoping my days go by quickly and uneventfully and I can look back on this a just a short period of time that things were a little crazy!
 Oh, as a side note, they have stopped checking my blood sugar levels, so no more poking! Yea! I'm still going to stay on the diabetic diet for the most part though because it has been healthy and I'm hoping will help me not get too huge as I just lay here! :)